It’s a good thing I was lying on the table in the ultra-sound room; otherwise I might have fainted. The lump I’d felt wasn’t a fibroid like others before. Shock enabled me to agree to the biopsy and call my husband. By the time I got to the parking lot, two hours from the moment I had left my car there, my world had caved in.
Somehow I drove home, where Bo was waiting for me. I fell into his lap in a chair and we cried. When I could talk, I said,”I’m so sad and afraid. Not afraid of dying, but afraid of what I’ll have to go through.”
I was afraid of the losses I faced. I knew I’d lose my hair during chemo, I didn’t know if I’d lose one breast, maybe both. (It turned out, I didn’t lose either one–the surgeon did a lumpectomy.) Breast cancer robs a woman of everything that makes her feel beautiful. The irony was that I write about beauty.
God led me on a journey in search of beauty that began in my childhood when I felt like the ugliest person on the planet. Ultimately I found it when I found my identity in Christ. But along the way, He provided people who built me up emotionally and experts who became my friends and taught me physical beauty techniques. By the time of my cancer diagnosis, I was a confident woman who loved helping other women discover their own inner and outer beauty.
And then I faced losing it all.
In the midst of the worst suffering I could imagine, when I felt like a bald, skinny alien – and not the pretty actress kind – I found a new, different kind of beauty. The beauty that comes from suffering. I didn’t realize it at the time because I was too busy fighting the effects of my treatment, and frankly, battling daily spiritual attacks.
As the trauma from chemo and surgery eased, just before radiation started, another bombshell landed. One of our dearest friends suddenly died. As I grieved with my friend, his widow, I began to write to her. Six weeks later, their nineteen year old son suddenly died. I wrote some more. As I wrote, the Lord spoke to me, too. He began healing me spiritually and emotionally. He also gave me a new purpose for writing–to help others in their suffering.
I’m well now, back to holding personal style sessions and writing about the inner beauty that only comes from God. But out of a determination to prevent a cancer recurrence, I began to study. What I found revolutionized my views of nutrition and fitness. This information is an extension of the beauty theme, and I’m passionate about sharing it, too.
The Bible has a lot to say about beauty. After all, God created it. I hope my posts here will help you discover your real beauty and motivate you to express it in beautiful words.
How do you define “real beauty”?